People-Pleasing: The Quest for Approval That'll Leave You Exhausted and Empty
Let’s be real: there’s nothing quite like the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with making others happy, right? The smiles, the "thank yous," and the constant stream of "Oh, you're such a nice person!" It feels great… until you realize you've said "yes" 🙂🤝🙋♂️to 87 things you don't actually want to do, and now you're questioning whether your own needs matter at all.
Sound familiar? Welcome to the wonderful world of people-pleasing, where your personal happiness takes a backseat, and the happiness of everyone around you is the sole focus of your existence. It’s like a never-ending episode of The Bachelor, but instead of roses🌹, you’re handing out “yes’s” to everyone, and in the end, you’re the only one left on the couch with a tub of ice cream and no energy to even finish the last scoop.
But here's the thing: People-pleasing is not a superpower. It's more like a super-weakness (self-abandonment). You’re spreading yourself so thin trying to make everyone else happy that your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being 😔💔🤷♂️gets pushed out of the picture. And while you're bending over backward for others, you’re secretly resenting them for not noticing how much you're sacrificing. But hey, it's all good, right? Because they are happy.
Until one day, you wake up and realize: "Wait... what about me?"
Breaking Free From the People-Pleasing Trap 💪🌟
Here’s the plot twist — you don’t have to be everyone’s emotional support hamster 🐹. You can still be kind, caring, and considerate without completely losing yourself in the process. It’s time to make a shift from “Yes, I’ll do that!” to “Hold on, let me check if that aligns with my needs, too.” It’s about creating healthy boundaries and realizing that your happiness is just as important as everyone else's🌞.
Let’s break the chains 🔓⛓️ of people-pleasing and take back control over our lives (and energy). Here are 10 evidence-based ways to make yourself a priority today — and don’t worry, these strategies come with the science to back them up. Because nothing says "you're worth it" like psychological research.
A Helping Hand on Your Journey: Dacarie Robertson, LCSW
If you're feeling overwhelmed by people-pleasing tendencies and want to explore ways to prioritize your well-being, Dacarie is here to help. She specializes in helping individuals navigate emotional challenges, set healthy boundaries, and build self-compassion.
Dacarie offers a supportive, non-judgmental space where you can work through your struggles and develop strategies to put yourself first—without guilt.
With a focus on inner healing, Dacarie can guide you on a personalized journey toward emotional resilience and greater self-awareness. Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, or simply feeling stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing, Inner Flow Counseling is committed to helping you reconnect with your inner strength and live a more balanced life.
Visit www.innerflowcounseling.com to learn more and take the first step toward a healthier, happier you. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone!
10 Ways to Make Yourself a Priority Today (With Mental Health Hacks Backed by Science)
Say No (And Feel Empowered!) Research shows that saying “no” to things that don’t align with your values or needs is one of the most empowering things you can do for your mental health (Fang et al., 2020). No more overcommitting! No more feeling drained. Say it with me: “No, thank you.” Feels good, doesn't it?
Practice Mindful Meditation (For Real This Time) Mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation (Zeidan et al., 2010). Take just 5-10 minutes today to focus on your breath and bring yourself into the present moment. Trust me, your brain will thank you.
Create Boundaries (Your New Best Friend) Setting clear, healthy boundaries is key to maintaining a sense of self in relationships. Studies show that people with strong boundaries experience less anxiety and burnout (Linehan, 1993). Start small—decide where you need to draw the line, and start enforcing it.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest (You Deserve It) Rest is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. Studies have shown that chronic sleep deprivation leads to poorer mental health outcomes, like increased stress and anxiety (Walker, 2017). So, take a nap, watch your favorite show, or just do nothing. Your body and mind need it.
Journal Your Thoughts Writing about your emotions has been linked to reduced stress and increased mental clarity (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986). Grab a journal (or your phone) and start jotting down what you’re feeling today. It’s therapeutic and might even help you understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Laugh, Seriously Laughter is an underrated form of stress relief. Research shows that laughter can trigger the release of endorphins (your body’s natural feel-good chemicals), improving mood and reducing stress (Bennett & Lengacher, 2009). Watch a funny video, text a friend who always cracks you up, or think about that time you tripped in public (we’ve all been there).
Reframe Your Thoughts Negative thinking patterns can keep you stuck in the people-pleasing cycle. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) shows that by challenging and reframing negative thoughts, you can improve your mental well-being (Beck, 2011). The next time you think, “I have to make them happy,” try reframing it to, “I deserve to make myself happy too.”
Get Moving (Even If It’s Just a Walk) Physical exercise has been shown to reduce anxiety, depression, and stress, all while boosting your mood (Rebar et al., 2015). You don’t have to run a marathon—take a brisk walk, do some stretching, or dance in your living room. It all counts!
Seek Support From Trusted People Social support is crucial for good mental health. Studies show that having a support network helps reduce stress and improves emotional well-being (Thoits, 2011). Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist when you need someone to talk to.
Practice Self-Compassion (Be Kind to Yourself) Self-compassion is linked to greater emotional resilience and less anxiety and depression (Neff, 2003). Be gentle with yourself, especially when you make mistakes. Remember, you’re human. You’re allowed to make choices that prioritize your well-being.
Break the Cycle: Stop People-Pleasing, Start Self-Pleasing!
At the end of the day, you are your own responsibility. You are the only one who can prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. The more you practice these strategies, the more you'll realize that making yourself a priority doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you healthy, strong, and better able to show up for others when it counts.
So go ahead: say no, rest, laugh, and put yourself first. It’s not just an option—it’s necessary. After all, the best way to support others is by first taking care of yourself.
Sources:
Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive therapy: Basics and beyond. The Guilford Press.
Bennett, P., & Lengacher, C. (2009). Humor and laughter in health care: A review. Journal of Holistic Nursing, 27(3), 150-157.
Fang, Y., et al. (2020). The power of saying “no”: A review of self-assertion and emotional well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 118(3), 566-579.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274-281.
Rebar, A. L., et al. (2015). Effect of physical activity on depression and anxiety: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Health Psychology, 34(4), 414-423.
Thoits, P. A. (2011). Mechanisms linking social ties and support to physical and mental health. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 52(2), 145-161.
Walker, M. (2017). Why we sleep: The new science of sleep and dreams. Scribner.
Zeidan, F., et al. (2010). Mindfulness meditation improves cognition: Evidence of brief mental training. Consciousness and cognition, 19(2), 597-605.
